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Writer's pictureSimone Ellin

EMDR for Bullying Trauma


Prior to the late 20th century, bullying was regarded as a rite of passage, just "boys being boys," and "girls being catty." Today, we recognize that these generalizations are damaging to people of all genders. We also know that bullying is worthy of our attention, since it can be deeply traumatic for victims. As such, victims of bullying may benefit from the same treatments that have been proven to help victims of other types of trauma. EMDR (eye movement desensitization) therapy is widely regarded as a treatment of choice for post traumatic stress disorder and thus, it is sometimes recommended for those of us who suffer from what therapist, researcher and author of "Bullying Scars" Ellen Walser deLara calls "adult post-bullying syndrome."

For those who haven't heard of EMDR, here's a description of what it's like, from EMDR founder Francine Shapiro: "During EMDR therapy, the client attends to emotionally disturbing material in brief sequential doses while simultaneously focusing on an external stimulus. Therapist directed lateral eye movements are the most commonly used external stimulus but a variety of other stimuli including hand-tapping and audio stimulation are often used" (Shapiro, 1991). Admittedly, that definition is confusing until you experience EMDR yourself. In any case, you can learn about the therapy in much greater detail by visiting the EMDR Institute's website.

I became curious about EMDR therapy after several friends and family members described dramatic and in some cases, quick results from the treatment. Though I had declared myself done with therapy, and felt that my bullying project (see previous blogposts for more on that) had helped to decrease the intensity of my adult post-bullying syndrome symptoms, I still found that certain feelings of anxiety and inadequacy persisted. So, I decided to give EMDR a try.

Early on, I felt as if EMDR wasn't working for me. I expected something magical to occur and when that didn't happen, I figured I was just someone who couldn't benefit from the technique. Maybe my trauma wasn't the right kind of trauma? Why wasn't there any hysterical crying? Why weren't disturbing memories surfacing? Maybe I wasn't doing it right? My therapist assured me that there was no right way to do EMDR. It was changing my brain in ways that weren't in my conscious control. I loved my therapist so I hung in. Some weeks later, I found myself feeling noticeably different. I was a little bit more confident; I had more energy for trying new things and taking on tasks that I had avoided in the past. I started trying new recipes, gardening, pitching stories to major news sites and even trying to fix things in the house that were broken. My partner was sure he saw a difference and he was pleased. There were ups and downs. Sometimes I was convinced I was changing; other times I felt stuck. But I stuck with it.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the hair salon to get my hair highlighted. As I was waiting for the color to take, I noticed a young man who was also there for a dye job sitting at the reception desk with the M. the receptionist. They seemed to be having a serious talk and I could hear scraps of the conversation. He was discussing his hopes for the future; she was offering advice and consolation. I wondered what was going on. Finally the young man's hair was ready and he headed to the shampoo area. The receptionist turned to me and asked me if I wanted my tarot cards read. I replied "Sure!" and I sat down in the chair next to her. As it turned out, the receptionist's other job was reading tarot cards. As she read my cards, M. explained that I was in the midst of an important change; that I was scared, but that it was the right move. I told her about my plans to get my social work license reactivated, and about the therapy I was undergoing to diminish my feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. I knew that my reading could have applied to many people who were going through life transitions, but I liked M. and she seemed wise. I found myself saying "Yes! Yes!" to every card she read and every connection she made. God I love my salon! M. confirmed all of my choices -- my career shift, my EMDR, my whole life journey. I came away from the salon with great blond highlights and great reassurance about my life journey.

Have you tried EMDR or are you considering it? What about tarot readings? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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